What the hell were you thinking?


A bout of sickness prevented me from writing the blog I wanted to this week. I had intended to write a review of my first gig of the year as I was due to see Devildriver with my good friend Mike on Thursday night, a night that was keenly anticipated,arranged several months previously and likely to be messy and magnificent in equal proportions. But being unable to go meant that I needed to come up with another topic and rather surprisingly Justin Bieber provided it.To be fair,it’s not just down to Bieber this week,but also Cheryl Cole,an ex politicians ex wife, an idiot French mother and one of life’s wierdos also got me asking the same question: “what the hell were you thinking”. This in turn got me thinking about some of the things that I’ve done over the years that would have, and should have, got me thinking the same thing. Consumption of large quantities of alcohol have been at the heart of many of these episodes so at least I have an excuse,even if it’s not a terribly good one. For example I’m sure that I’m not the only person who went out, got very drunk, obtained a girls number and arranged a date a few days later, only to be horrified to discover that the girl that I thought looked like Marilyn Monroe actually looked more like Marilyn Manson. Luckily for me,none of my ‘What the hell was I thinking’ moments have managed to make the headlines, partly because I haven’t courted the publicity that fuels the fame hungry in their ever lasting attempts to get noticed, and partly because i’m not interested in seeking time in the spotlight.There are however many ordinary Joes who are seeking their 15 minutes of fame, and in their pursuit of it are not allowing the boundaries of taste, decency and common sense to get in their way. The kind of people who are hardly weighed down by the burden of responsibility.

So, what has Beiber done this time? The first of his 4 shows at London’s O2 arena saw him arrive on stage at 10.30pm, 2 hours later than advertised and at a time when many of the attendees were looking at their watches and contemplating leaving in order to get the last train home. Now,the history of rock and roll is full of stars having tantrums and late stage arrivals but given that the audience consisted of children and that it was also taking place on a school night,this seems to be very poor behaviour indeed. Not just from Bieber himself but from the parents of these children who paid up to £350 to take them there in the first place. Many of these parents took to twitter to say that their kids were falling asleep on their laps and that girls as young as 5 were in tears.What the hell were you thinking taking a 5 year old to a concert? Here’s how the conversation should have gone:

Mum, can I go and see Justin Bieber?
No.

End of.

So yes it might be annoying that Bieber didn’t turn up on time but these parents have to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves if they really were being responsible parents in the first place,irrespective of what time he decided to put a shift in.Worse still was their determination to use social media to announce to the world that they are stupid parents.

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The man that is Bieber, being ‘restrained’ by 12 stone of minder

Vicky Pryce is a name that won’t resonate with a great many people, or at least wouldn’t have done but for her decision to adopt the role of a spurned wife seeking revenge,resulting in her being hung by her own rope. Her now ex husband, who was a prominent member of parliament at the time,received 3 points on his driving licence for speeding but as these additional points would have resulted in a ban from driving, he convinced her to say it was her that was driving and to take the points instead. All was going swimmingly until he decided to show his gratitude by starting an affair with an assistant which, when discovered, caused them to divorce. Vicky was so embittered by this treachery that she informed a friend of hers who just happened to be a journalist at ‘The Times’ newspaper who, unsurprisingly,ran the story. Now being a humble salesman I don’t know a great deal about the criminal justice system,it’s just not something that I need to get involved with on a day to day basis,but I do know that lying to a court counts as perjury and they generally tend to take a dim view of it. Surely, what with him being an MP and her being a chief executive of an international company, between them they must had at least an inkling that fessing up was going to get them knee deep in the brown stuff. But no. He, like any self respecting politician, stuck to the script and lied profusely whereas she,in a mad determination to get one back on him,went public…… and ended up being found guilty of perjury. They are both now awaiting sentencing which is likely to be a few years in the clink. So what the hell was she thinking? Get revenge by all means… Staple his balls together or set his trousers on fire while he’s still in them,but the golden rule of getting back at someone is make sure that you don’t get yourself imprisoned, surely?

Talking of a woman scorned, take a bow Cheryl Cole. Here is a woman who was so distraught at her ex husbands womanising and cheating on her,that she very publicly divorced him… and kept his name as it made her a few quid. Now,in some quarters she is regarded as a desirable,even sexy woman, who could have any man that she desired. As far as I’m concerned she’s an annoying Geordie moose who can’t even mime convincingly, has shit behind her ears where her head is so far up her own arse and surrounds herself with flunkies who say yes to her every whim.But it’s not this woman’s constant refusal to go away,or even her hanging on to Ashley’s name that’s got on my nerves this week it’s her new tattoo. She has decided to have her entire lower back tattooed. Now as a piece of art,this is beautifully constructed and must have taken hours to do and I commend the tattooist for his/her skill, but for me it just doesn’t work as a tattoo. I don’t think it adds anything to her appearance or makes look any more appealing, in fact much the opposite. Now I have a tattoo myself but as I’ve said before, its in a place that’s hidden away from view,but at some point this woman will want to wear a posh dress, maybe even another wedding dress but will look an absolute pikey with this bit of inking. I do actually like some tattoos on women. I liked Peaches Geldofs tattoo of a daisy chain that extends down her body as its kind of unique and let’s face it unless she turns up anywhere in a bikini, it’s never likely to be seen unless she wants it to be. But sorry Cheryl, yours is rank. What the hell were you thinking.

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And then there’s this guy. I don’t know his name and I don’t know what mental institute he lives in and I only happened upon this picture after it circulated on Facebook this week. Now, my views about him may be very unfair or even unkind given that I don’t know him. He may well be a first class chap who does sterling charity work and lives a blameless life, but seriously, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? I’m taking a guess that he doesn’t work,and if that is the case then I have paid for all his body art and everything else in his life. I want to say that I don’t care what he has done to himself or how he lives his live because generally I’m a tolerant person,but when people start tattooing their faces it’s just about as bold a statement as you can give that working for a living is simply not something you want to get involved in. And when that happens I do care what he does to himself because it’s then up to me to work harder to pay more taxes so he can sit in his tattooists chair everyday with me picking up the bill. But aside from that, surely at some point, he will wake up one day and ask himself the question what have I done?

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But, saving my favourite until the end, allow me to introduce Ms Boucha Bagour. Ms Bagour lives in France which is not a country normally associated with its racial tolerance and open armed approach to an increase in their ethnic population. Having previously banned the burka and hijab from schools and other public places, racial tensions have rarely been more tense. Oblivious to this, Ms Bagour had a baby a few years ago who was born on September 11th and she thought it would be jolly funny if she named this (male) baby Jihad. Yes Jihad. Well, the reason that she made the news this week was that she was summoned to the boys school to explain why she had send him in to school that day wearing a t shirt with the words ” I am a bomb” emblazoned on it. What the hell was she thinking? I cant think of many things that the whole world still finds as raw as the events of 9/11 and for this woman to behave in this manner is nothing but repugnant.The local authorities also failed to see the funny side too and have fined her €1000 and are threatening to imprison her for up to 5 years. Serves her right.

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The more I Looked for these type of stories the more I found them and I doubt if I’ll have to try too hard to find some more for another time.

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