I’m not angry, I’m just irritable


I wrote a kind of charity based blog last week which led to a request from a chum of mine to go back to my roots and write my usual kind of angry blog. At first I was kind of pleased that I seem to be developing a theme but then I thought do I really want to be just writing a weekly angry style blog. But then I kind of thought well why not, deep down I probably am an angry person, angered daily by all the nonsense that life throws our way and annoyed to the extreme by some of the idiots that cross my path on a seemingly daily basis. Don’t get me wrong I’m actually a pretty happy go lucky kind of a person, I like nothing more than a good belly laugh and find humour in most of things that I do. I’d like to think that each day I go to work, soak up most of the crap that’s thrown my way, do my best to do my best ( if you see what I mean) and try and do it all with a smile on my face. But time after time despite being this giant ball of fun and laughter, this inner radiant glow of happiness and delight that I have been blessed with is disturbed by some tree dwelling moon unit who manages to bollocks the whole thing up by failing to make his or her IQ raise higher than the average daytime temperature of Norway during December. For example even just a simple trip to the supermarket, a car journey of less than 2minutes, resulted in me “meeting” Sevenoaks’s worst driver who managed to not only pull out on me as I was halfway round a roundabout but then actually overtake another car ON the next roundabout before indicating left and then turning right at the next junction. As if this wasn’t bad enough he then went on to park at a “jaunty” angle in a space designed for 2 cars before getting out of his car and walking into the shop as though nothing untoward had happened. I’ve had enough of these tosspots. So much so that I have decided to abandon my usual attitude correction technique of getting out of the car and threatening them with a short but intense burst of industrial strength language, to photographing their car and putting it on facebook or on here. So here to start things off is the car that belongs to a man that I’ve since nicknamed ” The bearded twatface of Otford”. If you see him in and around the area, call him some names from me.

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The band Zico chain got on my nerves this week too. A couple of months ago I bought some tickets to see them play at a venue close to home which was meant to be the 3rd time I’ve seen them this year. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with them but their most recent album is pretty good and when I saw them support British Lion and Iron Maiden this year they were pretty good too. So at £12 a throw it seemed to be a cheap night out. I had also scheduled a game of golf with Pappa T for Friday so knew in advance that I’d be pretty knackered leading up to the gig, but with the lack of travel involved and a small venue to see them in I thought it wouldn’t be an issue. But it was only while me and MrsT2b were enjoying a few pre gig drinkies that we discovered that the band were not due on until 10pm which I won’t lie, proper hacked me off. I like this band and after finding out a bit about them I’ve discovered that despite having been around for 11 years they have only really enjoyed a small degree of success. But dare I say it, in my humble opinion this small amount of success could have been much greater if they had of put perhaps just a little bit more effort into it? I mean 3 albums and 2 EP’s in 11 years?they have opened the main stage at download and toured with velvet revolver but don’t seem to have pushed on at all. Even on this tour, following the amazing opportunities presented this year they don’t seem to have pushed on at all and are playing in front of a couple of hundred people in Tunbridge Wells as opposed to somewhere bigger and I can’t help but think that this is down to the lack of effort they seem to put in. This is THEIR headline tour, yet they have chosen to take out 2 support bands meaning they not only have to share the income but also the limelight and they don’t get to the stage until 10! Sort it out guys, you’re better than this. I realise that it’s not very metal to not go to a gig due to the timing of their show but I feel like its just too much of an effort for them to put some effort in. Having said that, buy their album “the devil in your heart” as it’s very good and if you not bothered about a late night, go see them on tour as you will have a good nights entertainment. Also Paul frost (guitars) was kind enough not to tell me to piss off when I drunkenly asked him for a photo outside the O2 back in August.

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There has been some good news this week though in so far as it appears that the recession has come to an end. Well maybe not to an end as such but I suspect that the coalition has decided that if they tell us this news often enough then we might just come to believe it, and therefore in an attempt to push the message home they have begun electioneering already during the party conference season. One of the big new ideas to get votes was announced this week and it seemed that buying primary school children school dinners is the answer. So from next year free school dinners are back on the menu and parents all over the country rejoiced,Right? Well,wrong it seems. Now if I was the parent of a small child I would be delighted to send them off to school every day in the knowledge that they would be getting something hot and nutritious during the day to aid and assist their journey into intellectual superstardom. But it seems that some little darlings are too precious for these state paid for meals. Going back 35 years I can say with a degree of certainty that my school meals were devoid of any taste or nutrition and were served up by a group of women who would make the inmates of cell block H look feminine. In fact there was more warmth in the meals than there was in these women serving them and thats saying something. But when a friend of mine shared the link from the BBC news website on Facebook this week a friend of hers immediately replied ” well unless they are freshly prepared on the premises each day, my Olivia isn’t having them” excuse me? I’ve seen nothing but doom and gloom from parents of school age children recently complaining of benefit cuts and raises in child care fee’s and yet here is a policy where something is being given back and yet their still not happy and seem to be saying that unless their kids are fed personally by Jamie Oliver that its not good enough. Even when something good happens it seems that the moaning majority can’t and won’t be happy.

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1970’s school dinner ladies. Some of them are no longer on remand

I suppose thinking about it I’m not an angry man I’m just an easily irritated man. My blood pressure instantly raises when one of these buffoons pulls out or tailgates me or says something moronic on Facebook. It absolutely does my nut in when someone overtakes me irresponsibly and then puts on their brakes causing me to slow down and it seems that 50% of all drivers over the age of 70 have bought cars that haven’t been equipped with functioning indicators and why is it that groups of cyclists feel that it is perfectly acceptable to meander along side by side causing tailbacks for miles behind them simply because they want to cycle in formation while chatting about why motorists are so impatient.Things are just as bad on foot too. Surely I’m not the only one to experience formation pram pushing by groups of mums who walk three or four abreast along pavements or in shopping centres scything down anyone or anything that gets in their way while travelling at the speed of drying paint and preventing anyone getting past them. Worse still and the ones who make my teeth itch with fury are those who people who one minute are walking along with purpose and from out of nowhere suddenly stop dead in their tracks causing a pile up behind them. Years ago we had a friend called John Hardcastle who had his own unique way of dealing with rogue pedestrians like those I’ve just mentioned. He would decide that the path he was taking was the right one and he would not alter his path for anyone ever meaning that on several occasions people who saw him coming but decided that they were more important would simply end up bouncing off him or finding themselves on the floor after tripping on one of his outstretched legs. I like this tactic and have decided to adopt it from now one should my mood allow.

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I want one of these. Quite a lot actually.

Maybe being grumpy,angry and irritable is simply just a right of passage as I slip serenely into middle age and beyond. I hope that in years to come I don’t find myself being a pensioner who gets on a bus and moans about not getting seated or whinges about the actions of school children or even spends all day moaning about why things were better during the good old days. Although having said that, it seems that sadly I already have.